I am 24.

I am 24.

I have been 24 for a month now. Spoilers; it’s not very exciting*. It isn’t what I imagined 24 to be when I was a teenager; glamourous, mature, independent, successful. I’m independent at least, but my boyfriend and I still shoot each other with nerf guns when we get bored.

No, 24 is when my impending quarter-life-crisis makes itself known. When I crawl out of bed after a night out and drink Irn Bru like it’s medicine. When the headaches kick in which have nothing to do with alcohol but are called ‘tension headaches’ and are a side effect of 21^st Century adulthood. When you have to be defiant about your successes because only you see them as such, because your endless peers all seem to know what this all shit is about and you’re still looking up ‘success’ in the index.

This little hurricane of crisis is something I fully intend to run away from. I don’t mean to run away from my problems, we all know that’s a terrible idea. I mean metaphorically I’m going to try to give myself a chance to avoid the danger of said hurricane by forecasting it.

Did you ever have that experience as a child where, after you’d had a birthday, someone would ask whether you felt different and the answer would always be ‘no, I’m the same as I was a week ago’? Well, for me this year did feel a little bit like that. I know it’s foolish but for some reason 23 looks a lot younger to me than 24. I feel like at 23 you’re still finding yourself and can be a bit reckless but by 24 you should probably have an actual job or at least some notion of what you want or where your life is going. Which is ridiculous. Why these two numbers? Arbitrary numbers, to be honest, but that’s the feeling I got when I suddenly had ‘24’ attached to me. I quailed for a bit then thought, ‘well then I’ll sort my life out and put it back on track.’ Such an easy thing to think.

How do you go about doing that when you’re still unsure of what you really want? What does ‘getting your life on track’ even mean? I know people who are socially happy but hate their jobs. I know people who love their jobs but have no friends. I know people with vibrant lives, with safe lives, exciting lives and make-do lives. Each has a track doesn’t it?

Well, not necessarily. (You should probably know, I’m really good at talking in metaphors. There will be loads.) So, a track is an intentional thing. We talk about going ‘off the rails’ and therefore ‘on the rails’; rails are man-made. This isn’t a path anymore; everyone’s life follows a path by default of time passing. The track you choose is how you live or what you do to make your life full of meaning. So, I am going to get my life on track.

To do this, I must focus on things that are important to me. These are things like health, friends and family, passions, art, travel, learning. If I focus on these things, they will become a bigger part of my life automatically. They will attract similar things, and who knows, if I stop wasting time and start with the important stuff, maybe what I really want will reveal itself.

*24 is very exciting. I have potential, I have friends, I have my health and independence. Life is what we make it after all, and 24 is just a number.

Wish me luck.